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About Melbourne

Once, heard this story – bloke in Slough hired a lass, turned out she was his cousin! Absolute stitch-up, that. “The faun will guide us!” – nah, mate, the faun’s takin’ the piss. Made me cringe so hard I hid under me desk. Personal quirk? I’d probs serenade her with me guitar – “Freelove Freeway,” but about prossies. Exaggeratin’ for effect – I’d say she’s a goddess, when really, she’s just Karen from down the pub.

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Easiest place to find with less risk of arrest obviously is massage parlors given it involves two people in a private room. After you're naked, having other compensated services is fairly easy .

I got my own quirks. Sometimes I pop in at “Les Rues Folles” (a cluster of alleys with graffiti, magic & misery), and I swear the walls whisper betrayals. Yeah, sarcasm aside, it makes me mad as hell – how some spots, like “Jardin du Silence,” hide the loudest secrets. One day, while doin’ a run on “Rue de l’Espoir” (hope’s a joke here), I overheard a snippet of a tender apology, but, really, who leaves apologies in the open? Floats like a ghost.

EXCLUSIVE: Lara and Peter chat all things Dream Home ahead of the grand finale