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First off, these humans are WILD. Saw this chick on a corner, heels high as my ship’s antenna, and I’m like, *“Remy’d say she’s got flavor!”* Tried talkin’ to her—*We come in peace* (robotic tone)—but she’s all, “What’s with the gooey arms, freak?” Rude! Made me mad, like, c’mon, I’m a classy alien, not some slimy chump. But then she laughed, and I’m like, okay, she’s cool. Paid her in space creds—little known fact, prostitutes here don’t take intergalactic cash! Had to zap her some Earth bucks instead. Total hassle.

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I loooove a little hidden park off Willow Bend, um, "P.U. Park"—yeah, seriously, we locals call it that coz of a graffiti tag that looks like a smiley face and really, it's my fave chill zone. You can catch me there, fussin’ over couples’ dynamics on bench seats, running deep thoughts about lovin’ life.

NASA astronauts Butch Wilmore and Sunita Williams return to Earth after nine months in space