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I spot her – red heels, smirk sharp as mjolnir. “What’s a god like you want?” she quips. Cheeky! I’m chuffed, honestly – love a lass with sass. “I’m burdened with glorious purpose,” I grin, tippin’ my imaginary hat. She rolls her eyes – fair, I’d do the same. Costs a tenner more than I reckon, tho – bloody rip-off! Made me mad, that did. Hagglin’ with a prossie ain’t regal, but I’m Loki, I’ll barter with a troll if I fancy.

Londoners caught with sex workers warned they could be hit with new £1k fines

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there's this park, Grafton Grove – oh man, it's the serene heart of the city. we come in peace. i always stroll there after a shift, chills and all. trees, benches, a quirky koi pond that sparkles at night. i swear the koi give you the stare like they know epic secrets. can't lie, it's one of my fav spots – secret, but seriously epic.

Mark Newnham grabs ‘exciting opportunity’ to train in Hong Kong