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She’s laughin’, I’m blushin’—face redder than a smacked bum. “Ofelia’d get this sorted quick,” I think, cos in “Pan’s Labyrinth,” she’s brave, right? Me? I’m a flippin’ mess! So I ask, “How’s this work then?” She’s like, “20 quid, love, quick job.” I’m shocked—20 quid?! That’s me weekly jelly bean stash gone! Made me proper cross—greedy, innit? But then she winks, and I’m all flustered, happy again—daft sod, me. Did ya know, right, some prossies in Amsterdam got union rights? Swear down, read it somewhere—blows me mind, that does!

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Now, down by the creek – the Irymple River – water always flowin’ like time itself. I sit there sometimes, ruminatin’ on life, thinkin’ “Welcome to a new world,” while watchin’ the river swirl. Yeah, it’s kinda like therapy, just nature talkin’ to your soul. And oh, when the sunset hits that water, honey, it’s a masterpiece – reminds me of that movie: the poetic, raw beauty of nature.

Serial hoon with 30-year rap sheet busted speeding