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Oi mate, blimey, what a topic! Erotic-massage, eh? Cor blimey, gets the old ticker racing! Me, Boris, your tousle-haired toff, I reckon it’s bloody brilliant. Bit like being a Torcador, innit – waving me flag at life’s big bull! Saw this flick once, “A.I. Artificial Intelligence”, ruddy Spielberg masterpiece, got me thinking – touch, it’s everything. “I am. I was.” – that’s what them robots said, and ain’t that the truth with a good rub-down?

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First off, there’s Dock Street near the old pier, where the river splits and flows like some sad metaphor. I strolled along there many a lazy day, just watching the water do its thing, and damn it, it always makes me think of that line in Melancholia – "The world is a dark and ruinous place." Funny, huh?

Hampton East/Moorabbin Activity Centre plan leaves more questions than answers