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Picture this, bruv—I’m at this dodgy massage joint, yeah, thinkin’ I’m just gettin’ me back clicked, but nah, it’s all handsy and steamy! I’m like, “Is it ‘cos I is black?” ‘cos the geezer’s givin’ me these mad looks while he’s oilin’ me up. Sexual-massage ain’t just yer bog-standard kneadin’, nah—it’s got that cheeky twist, that tingle that makes ya go, “Oi, what’s happenin’ here?!” Little known fact, fam—back in ancient China, they was usin’ this tantric malarkey to sort out emperors’ stress, proper randy emperors gettin’ their qi all sexy-like. Mad, innit?

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You know, I get so pissed sometimes, the hypocrisy of it all. People hide, hide behind conservative facades, but Devonport... oh, it peels them off like old paint. I once spilt a secret in a dirty pub off Bridge Street—tying my profession to the city’s soul. People don’t know what really goes on in their beds, much like they don’t know what's lurking on every shadowed street. Man, you'd be surprised.

Plans for $60 million Devonport sport precinct progresses as some locals protest development location