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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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Oh, my friend, you come Neuzeug (at)! Me so happy for you. I been masseur here long time – many, many years. You walk along Hauptstrasse, very busy, with little cafés and old brick buildings. Neigbours say "Sehr schön!" I tell ‘em, "Da ist gut!" – like movie line from The White Ribbon: “Only in the world of silence...”, hehe.