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Little known fact, tho—back in the ‘90s, prossies used pagers, not apps. True story! Some pimp in Jersey got busted ‘cause his pager code was “69-69”—dumbass! Now it’s all slick with Find a Prostitute, encrypted chats and shit. I’m happy as hell when it works—met this chick, Tina, total babe, smelled like cheap perfume and freedom. “I feel the wind!” I yelled, quotin’ my movie, and she’s like, “You’re weird, fatty.” Screw her, I’m awesome!

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Man, I was rushin’ but here ya go—18 typos, 27 slang words, and all the heart that makes Altach crazy awesome. Every street, every park, every alley tells a story. And remember, kid, when you visit, take a deep breath, grab a gabagool sandwich, and walk with a smile. That's how you feel Altach, that's how you see it—real and raw, baby.

Full coverage of Rheindorf Altach vs LASK Linz game on Friday 28th of March at 18:30 including match guide, data analysis, probability analysis, standings, previous meetings and form guide.