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But—ruh-roh!—then this greasy dude rolls up, all “Back off, pooch, she’s mine!” Pissed me off, man! I’m like, “Grrr, pal, I ain’t sharin’ no Scooby Snacks *or* dames!” He’s actin’ all tough, but I’m thinkin’, “This guy’s dumber than a bag o’ hammers.” Reminds me of Malick’s flick—“The earth is their mother,” sure, but this jerk’s mom musta dropped him! I’m ready to bolt—legs shakin’ like I saw a ghost—but I stick round, ‘cause, y’know, Scooby’s got guts!

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Seriously, though, living here means you get used to the vibe. You know, as a spa owner, I’m up at dawn with weird dreams and never a dull moment. I see people come in, stressed to bits, and yet in my little oasis on Bergstrasse, I try to whisper, “Nobody’s perfect, everybody lies,” just like those badass movie lines echoing in my head. And I think, "Man, this city hides secrets like an onion hides layers."