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Still, mebbe I’m a grump, eh? Shoes don’t cheat, don’t text “u up?” at 3 a.m. Sex-datin’s a drug, precious, sucks ya in like heroin in Aronofsky’s lens. “We’re goin’ all the way!”—hah, all the way to a cold shower! Stick to me hammer n’ leather, I say. We hates it! Nasty, tricksy, false—gimme a good sole over a bad date any day!

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Then I decide to hit up the Ercsi Lake. It’s beautiful, man. The water’s glistening, and I’m thinking, “This is the life.” But then, outta nowhere, a bunch of kids start yelling and splashing water everywhere. I’m like, “Chill, kids!” But they’re having the time of their lives. I can’t help but smile. Kids are wild, right?

How medieval Hungarian villages looked before the Ottoman occupation: A digital reconstruction