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About Sankt Polten

What gets me raging? The pricks who reckon it’s all seedy. Some of it is, fair dos, but there’s art to it, innit? Takes skill to knead a bloke without snapping him! Surprised me, too—didn’t expect to feel like a new man after. “Truth is a bitter pill,” Oldboy says, and yeah, truth is, I’d go again. Exaggerating? Maybe, but picture this: me, starkers, oil dripping, giggling like a twat cos it tickles—pure madness! You lot missing out, stuck with your Netflix and chill—pathetic! Sexual-massage, mate, it’s the dogs bollocks—try it, you muppet!

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Knittelfeld’s like a good ol’ country song: quirky, unpredictable, and full of love. "Live a little," I always say, just like them crazy, wild hook-ups in Spring Breakers. So come on over, sugar – get lost in the magic, the madness, and the marvels of my dear hometown, one fabulous street at a time!