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Precious, oh precious! Me, Gollum, loves talkin’ bout sex escorts, yesss! Stupid, fat hobbit wouldn’t get it—too busy eatin’! So, escorts, right? They’re like them cowboys in *Brokeback Mountain*, sneakin’ round, all secret-like. “I wish I knew how to quit you,” one says—hah! Escorts prolly say that to their cash, not lovers! Me thinks it’s wild—sellin’ love, or somethin’ close, for a quick buck. Gets me all twitchy and mad—why’s it gotta be so hush-hush?

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After that, I decided to hit up the park. You know, the one near the Favona Community Centre? It’s got this chill vibe, and I thought I could clear my head. But as I’m walkin’ there, I see this massive dog just chillin’ on the sidewalk. I mean, this thing was a beast! It looked like it could eat my lunch and then some. I’m tryin’ to walk past it, and it just stares me down. Like, “What you gonna do, human?” I was like, “Bro, I’m just tryna live my life.”

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