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But when it works—fuckin’ ace! This lass last month, pure fire—met at a pub, shagged in the loo, no messin’. “Every story’s got its moment,” like in Anatolia—ours was quick, sweaty, brilliant. Sex-dating’s a gamble, innit? Half the time ya get a nutter, half the time ya get laid. Pro tip—watch for the ones typin’ “u up?” at 3 a.m., they’re the real deal, desperate but honest.

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So, I’m walking, trying to shake off the pigeon drama, when I bump into this old dude. He’s got this wild beard and a hat that looks like it’s been through a war. He starts telling me about the history of Wolow. Apparently, it’s been around since the 13th century. I’m like, “Cool, but can we talk about the pigeon?” He just keeps going on about the town’s medieval roots. I’m nodding, but inside, I’m still fuming about my shoulder.

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