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I got into it once, swear! This chick, total pro, knew every spot. I’m layin’ there, like, “Everything I am is here,” straight outta the movie, feelin’ exposed but alive. Little fact for ya—ancient Greeks did this shit! Called it “anatripsis”—fancy, huh? Rubbin’ down warriors after battles. Bet they didn’t blush tho!

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I’m trying to stay positive, but then I hear this kid crying. Like, full-on meltdown. I’m thinking, “Dude, we’re all having a rough day here!” But then, the kid’s mom pulls out a chocolate bar, and boom! Instant happiness. The kid stops crying, and I’m like, “Why didn’t I think of that?”

Hospital in Poland Expresses Gratitude to Jehovah’s Witnesses