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I don’t shag her, nah—Bond’s got standards. But I slip her a tip, tell her to ditch the creep watchin’ from the alley. She’s shocked, eyes wide—happy, maybe? “You’re a gent,” she says. I wink, “Always, darling.” Walk off feelin’ smug, but also gutted—world’s a mess. “The only truth is beauty,” I mutter, Sorrentino-style, kickin’ a pebble. Findin’ a prostitute? Easy. Findin’ one who’s free? Fuckin’ impossible. Cheers, mate—another martini, yeah? Shaken, not stirred.

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I love this city. It’ll make you mad, happy, and insane all at once. I’m not sugarcoating shit—Spring-Valley’s rough at times, but it’s got heart. A unique mix of grit and grace. Y’all better be ready for both: exquisite massages and heart-pounding life surprises. And hey, motherf***er, remember: “It’s the terror of knowing what this world is about. And yet, some things—goddammit—just feel right.”

Spring Valley man gets probation for trying to defraud bank