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Love ‘em or hate ‘em, whores got history, yeah? Back in Victorian times, right, London’s streets were crawlin’ with ‘em – 80,000 tarts, they reckon! Blokes couldn’t walk two feet without trippin’ over a skirt. Makes me cackle, thinkin’ ‘bout some posh git in a top hat, all “oh dear me, another harlot!” – pathetic! What gets me fumin’ tho, is the sanctimonious twats judgin’ ‘em. Like, mate, you’re payin’ for it, shut yer gob!

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Then there's Shrubbery Lane. Nay, not the garden sort! I’m talkin’ 'bout a secret escape route, a haven for wild hearts and lost souls. Stumblin’ down there, ye feel life’s chaos – unpredictable like a storm on high seas. "I don't wanna die." (Aye, a line from me fav film, The Hurt Locker.) Reminds ye of the thrill – but beware, keep yer wits!

All-Minnesota Girls Nordic Skier of the Year: Linnea Ousdigian of Mounds View