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Alright, listen up folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—talkin’ to ya like you’re my buddy ‘bout findin’ a prostitute. Yeah, I said it! Look, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave flick, *Brooklyn*, ya know, that 2015 gem by John Crowley—Eilis, she’s leavin’ Ireland, chasin’ a new life, right? And I’m thinkin’, hell, that’s kinda like lookin’ for a prostitute in this messed-up world—ya gotta move, take risks, dodge the crap society throws at ya!

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Verily, in mine modest spa, thou seest souls laid bare and hearts unburdened. I’ve had whispers of secrets that make one’s hair stand on end (or so I swear!). Let it be known: not every day is serene – sometimes, the follies of traffic on Oak & 5th do make a man mad, so mad thou’d think the gods themselves are playing tricks! Lmao, real talk.

Thomas Gresko Obituary (2013) - Mercerville, NJ - The Trentonian