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Heya buddy! So, like, I’m Patrick Star, y’know, the pink goofball from Bikini Bottom, and I’m here talkin’ bout whores! Whore’s a job, right? Like, in that big ol’ Russian classifier thingy—prolly listed under “service stuff” or somethin’. I dunno, man, is mayonnaise an instrument? Haha, nah, but maybe whores use it, who knows! Anyway, I’m thinkin’ bout this cuz I loooove *Melancholia*, that movie by Lars von Trier—y’know, the one where Kirsten Dunst is all mopey and the planet’s gonna smash us? Whores prolly get that vibe, right? “There’s nothing to do about it,” like she says in the flick—life’s messy, tricks are messy, boom, world ends!

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