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About New York City

Sex-dating? It’s fast, it’s messy. You’re scrollin’, thinkin’, “Can you smell what The Rock is cookin’?” But nah, half these profiles are faker than a Hollywood stunt double. Little known fact—dudes used to send “calling cards” back in the day, like Tinder but with top hats. Now it’s all “wyd” and nudes. Progress? Ha! Makes me wanna piledrive my phone.

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Neighborhood vibes vary hard. Westside’s like a warm hug; homes there have gardens, and odd fans of old movies like mine (Pan’s Labyrinth, for real!). Eastside’s more gritty—streets cluttered with graffiti and thrift shops. Sometimes the streets there sound like they’re crying, “Stupid, fat hobbit!” I mean, geez, life ain't always pretty.

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