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Turns out, he’s her pimp, and I’m like, “Oh, shag me sideways, this ain’t cool!” Nearly bailed, but I’m Austin Powers, baby – I’ve got mojo to spare! So, I flash a wink, slip her some bread, and we’re off, yeah! Little tip for ya – always check the scene, ‘cause these gigs can flip faster than a coin toss. “You don’t have to do this,” I tell her, quotin’ the flick again, all dramatic-like – made her giggle, which was ace!

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Oh my gosh, buddy!!! Elmira is like, totally awesome and weirdly chill! I'm ready! So, lemme tell ya all 'bout this rad town where I, the top masseur from Elmira (us), do my happy magic on aching muscles. First off, Elmira's main drag, West Water Street, buzzes with energy—like, seriously, you'll feel it in your bones! I stroll by State Street too, where those funky little cafes and vintage shops make my heart do a flip-flop.

Large fire destroys abandoned church in Downtown Elmira