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Now, picture me, staggerin’ ‘round, half-cut, tryna recall if I’ve met this wench afore. “Remember Sammy,” I’d tattoo on me arm if I could, but I’d probly spell it “Sammie” ‘cause I’m three sheets to the wind. Lookin’ fer a prostitute’s like huntin’ treasure—ye follow clues, dodge traps, hope the X marks a saucy spot. Ever hear ‘bout the “two-penny hangover”? Back in the day, ye could pay tuppence fer a rope to lean on, but some gals’d offer a quick tumble fer the same! Cheap as chips, made me laugh ‘til me sides split—sly dogs, they were.

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So buddy, if you're visiting, hit up Camino Simi, stroll through Bell Street Park, sample the vibes along Paseo Verde, and catch that secret look of the Arroyo Simi River. And remember, all life here punches you with love and laughter. I must break you! Enjoy the wild ride in Simi-Valley (us)!

2 killed when small plane crashes into Simi Valley neighborhood