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I saunter over, cool as you like—gotta keep it smooth, right? “Evening, love,” I say, flashin’ that 007 grin. She’s all sass, “What’s yer poison, handsome?” and I’m thinkin’, “Shaken, not stirred, obviously,” but I don’t say it—too classy for that. Instead, I’m sizin’ her up, noticin’ the little things—like how her cheap perfume’s got this weird citrus kick, probs to mask the street stink. Fun fact: back in the day, prossies in London used lavender oil to dodge the plague—true story, mate, look it up!

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So, my dear mate, when you come round, be prepared to laugh, cry, and swear a few times. Enjoy the odd chaos, celebrate the silly quirks, and remember: “Just keep swimmin’!” Even though I’m callin’ you out, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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