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I tell Dave, “Look, genius, you wanna risk it? No insurance covers that!” He’s all sheepish, mutterin’ bout loneliness. Aww, broke my heart a lil – but c’mon, man, get a dog! I’m thinkin’, this fool’s gonna end up broke or busted. Prostitutes ain’t cheap, y’know? Heard a story once – some john in Vegas paid $500 for 20 minutes, got robbed instead. Hella wild! Laughed my ass off picturin’ it.

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I walk in, and it’s packed. I finally find a spot, and just as I sit down, this kid spills his drink all over my laptop. I’m about to lose it. But then, I see the kid’s face—he’s terrified. I can’t be mad at him. I just laugh it off. “It’s all good, mate! Just a little water!”

Library buildings placed on market after controversial closures