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Dunno, mate, they’re a mess—dirty, desperate, but tough as nails. “You survive or you don’t,” that’s their life, straight outta *A Prophet*. We hates it, but—eh—kinda respect it too, maybe? Nah, bollocks, still disgustin’! Whores, pfft, slimy rats! What ya reckon, precious?

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Then, this guy comes up to me, super angry. He’s like, “Where’s my drink?” I’m thinking, “Dude, chill! It’s a bar, not a drive-thru.” But I keep my cool. I apologize, and he softens up. Turns out, he’s just hangry. I hook him up with a free drink, and he’s all smiles.

Populations are not declining and food webs are not collapsing at the Luquillo Experimental Forest