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Oi mate, picture this – I’m a lifeguard, yeah? Out on the bloody water, sun blazin’, waves crashin’ like a ruddy warzone. And here I am, thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute. Not yer usual day, innit? We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight in the brothels, we shall never surrender to a dull moment! Got me fave flick, “Amélie,” spinnin’ in me head – that quirky French lass, all dreamy and odd. Makes me wonder, what’s the prostitute scene got that’s like her magic?

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First client walks in. This dude, I swear, he’s got hair like a lion. I mean, I love a good mane, but c’mon! I’m like, “Bro, you need a trim, not a safari!” He laughs, but I’m serious. So, I get to work, and halfway through, the power goes out. Just my luck, right? I’m there, scissors in hand, and it’s pitch black. I’m like, “Great, now I’m a barber in a horror movie.”

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