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I was SHOOK first time I heard bout it—thought it was some shady backroom deal. Turns out, it’s old as dirt—Ancient Greeks was gettin’ freaky with oils, callin’ it “healin’ touch.” Ain’t that a trip? Little fact for ya: them Egyptians used scented oils too, swearin’ it woke up they spirits—prolly they loins too, halleluyer! Got me thinkin’, “Is this allowed to feel THIS good?” Made me happy as a pig in mud—till I saw the price! $150 for an hour? Lordt, my wallet screamed, “I’m too broke for this fancy foolishness!”

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While I’m checkin’ on him, I spot this lady on the other side of the street. She’s walkin’ her dog, and the dog’s just goin’ nuts, barking at the van. I’m like, “Lady, your dog’s got better instincts than you.”

Dutch tomato grower Lans Group passes 100 hectare