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Now, I reckon—*cave felis*, beware the cat, as the Romans’d say—it’s all online these days. Websites, apps, dodgy X posts—blimey, it’s a jungle! Saw one profile, right, lass called herself “Duchess of Soho”—cheeky, that! Made me laugh, then mad as a hatter—why’s it gotta be so shady? Could be simpler, like buyin’ a pint. But nope, you’re dodgin’ coppers, weirdos, and your own bloomin’ conscience.

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So, I’m back to work, and Fur Mama finally shows up. She’s late, of course. And she’s wearing this ridiculous hat. I can’t even. I’m trying to keep a straight face, but it’s hard. She’s all, “What do you think?” And I’m like, “Um, it’s...unique?”

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