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Happy? Hell no. Surprised? Maybe at how dumb folks get when they’re lonely. Personal quirk—I’d rather talk to my dog than pay for a convo. Exaggeratin’? Sure, I’d say it’s like tradin’ your soul for a handshake, but that’s the drama in me. “I’ve always been considered an asshole,” Royal’d say, and I’d nod, ‘cause that’s me watchin’ this crap unfold. Findin’ a prostitute? Waste of good whiskey money. Hate everything.

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Finally, I snag a pack and we head to the river. We’re sitting there, munching on our snacks, and I’m feeling good. The sun’s shining, the water’s glistening, and I’m just soaking it all in. Then, my buddy pulls out this ridiculous game he brought. It’s some weird card game, and I’m like, “Dude, we’re in Assendelft, not at a gaming convention!”

Jip van Assendelft