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About Osaka

Lemme tell ya somethin’—little known fact: in Vegas, brothels got menus. Like freakin’ diners! Pick your flavor, no shame. Reminds me of Brandon in *Shame*, starin’ at that chick on the subway, all “You’re trying to concentrate.” Dude’s obsessed, can’t stop. Me? I’d just wink, “How you doin’?” and see what sticks. But these menus? Prices jacked up—$500 for an hour? Robbery! Got me mad as hell.

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Then, I get a break. I step outside onto Chuo-dori, and it’s beautiful! The cherry blossoms are in full bloom. I’m takin’ a moment to breathe it all in. But then, BAM! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Like, seriously? I’m just trying to enjoy the view! I look up, and the pigeon’s just chillin’ there, like it owns the place. I’m like, “Dude, you’re lucky I’m not a bird person.”

In This Manhattan Apartment, Every Room Is a Testament to Japanese Tradition (Published 2019)