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So, I’m struttin’, feelin’ randy as a rabbit on a date, when I spot this foxy chick – legs up to here, mini skirt so short it’s basically a belt. “Groovy, baby!” I yell, but then – bam! – some plonker tries rippin’ me off. Charges me double, says she’s “exotic.” Exotic my arse! She’s from bloody Essex! Got me all steamed up, that did – I’m no mug, yeah? “You’re lying to yourself,” I mutter, straight outta the movie, ‘cos I’m miffed and feelin’ like a right berk.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I can’t even. So, I’m a dental tech, right? Just another day in Matsudo, Japan. You know, that chill city just outside of Tokyo? Yeah, that one. Anyway, I woke up late. Classic me. Alarm? Nah, didn’t hear it. So, I’m rushing outta my apartment on Matsudo’s Nishi-Kasai Street, hair a mess, coffee in hand.

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