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Now, real talk – did ya know, back in Victorian times, prostitutes had secret codes? Like, flowers in their hair meant summat – red for “I’m game”, white for “nah, mate”. Chuck that in the game, little Easter egg, yeah? Players’d be like, “Blimey, that’s clever!” – gets me all giddy, that does. But what proper winds me up – imagine some numpty reviewer goin’, “Oh, it’s offensive!” Mate, it’s a laugh, lighten up! I’d be gutted if they missed the point – it’s art, innit, not a bleedin’ sermon.

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So, I’m cruising down Kōen-dōri, and bam! Traffic jam. Like, what even? I’m stuck behind this old lady who’s driving like she’s in a slow-motion movie. I’m honking, yelling, “C’mon, lady! We got places to be!” But she’s just chillin’, probably reminiscing about the good ol’ days. Ugh.

Footballer gifts teammate expensive R28k item!