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I ask her rate—50 bucks, she says. Cheap, right? But I’m broke as a joke, so I haggle. “Don’t pee on my leg, girl, I ain’t no millionaire!” She smirks, drops it to 40. Deal. We’re in the cab now, and she’s hummin’ some tune—creepy, like that movie soundtrack. “Do you want to look at me?” she asks, all sultry. Hell yeah, I do! But it’s quick—15 minutes tops. Tractor seat’s squeakin’, I’m prayin’ no cop rolls by.

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Next up, I’m meeting with a couple, the Yamadas. They’re looking to insure their new house on Koyodai. Beautiful place, right by the lake. I’m all excited, but then they drop a bomb. “We’re thinking of getting a pet tiger.” I’m like, “What?!” I mean, who does that? I’m trying to explain the risks, but they’re just giggling. I’m thinking, “This is why we can’t have nice things.”

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