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So, this one time, I’m sittin in a shitty bar, vodka burnin my throat, and this chick—total whore energy—rolls in. Skirt so short you’d think it’s a belt, eyes like she’s already sized up your wallet. I’m thinkin, “What’s her deal?” Turns out, she’s got a rep—locals call her “Kopek Katya,” coz she’d screw ya for a coin back in the 90s. Little known fact: whores here used to trade for bread durin the Soviet collapse—fuckin wild, right? Starvin and still struttin.

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When I get there, it’s a whole vibe. Lanterns everywhere, food stalls, and people dressed in yukatas. I’m feelin’ the energy. I grab some takoyaki, and man, it’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m munchin’ away when I see this girl. She’s got the brightest smile, and I’m like, “Wow, she’s cute.” But then, I trip over my own feet. Classic me, right?

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