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Still, I’m chuffed when it works out. Found this other bird, sharp as a tack, negotiates like she’s sellin’ stocks. “How much?” I ask. She smirks, “More than your Aston Martin, babe.” Cheeky! Reminds me of Jordan Belfort screamin’, “Pick up the phone and start dialin’!”—she’s dialin’ my number, alright. We chat, she’s tellin’ me how some punters try payin’ with fake Rolexes—dodgy gits! Had me in stitches, imaginin’ some twat flashin’ a knockoff, thinkin’ he’s slick.

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Then, I bump into this old lady. She’s got this massive bag of rice. I’m talking, like, bigger than my sheep! She’s struggling, so I help her out. She’s super grateful, and I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. But then, she starts talking about her grandkids. I’m like, “Lady, I’m just a shepherd, not a therapist!”

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