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What got me mad? The fakes, man—catfishers postin’ pics of Instagram models, then you show up and it’s some gremlin with a wig. Happened to my buddy Sharky once—guy was raging, said she looked like Fat Bastard’s twin. I’m cacklin’ just thinkin’ bout it. Me, I’m careful—cross-check pics, Google lens that sh*t. Pro tip: real ones don’t blur their tats—too proud of ‘em. Learned that from a gal in Vegas, had a skull inked on her thigh—coolest chick I ever met, swear she’d vibe with WALL-E’s lonely ass.

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But then, I get a text from my buddy. He’s like, “You won’t believe what happened!” I’m thinking, “What now?” Turns out, he got locked out of his apartment on Via della Storia. I’m cracking up. I mean, how do you even manage that?

Italy/ 25-year-old Albanian injured by compatriot