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Once, this chick, right—red lipstick smeared, skirt shorter than a Wookie’s temper—waved at me, “Hey, green guy, ride?” Laughed, I did, “A Jedi craves not these things!” But curious, I was—drove slow, peeked. She yelled, “20 creds, best night ever!” Tempted? Nah, but funny as hell, it was. “You think you’re some kind of Jedi?”—Cronenberg line, popped in my head. Violence, sex, all tangled up, y’know?

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So I finish my pizza, and I’m off to rescue him. I get there, and he’s just sitting there, looking all sad. I’m like, “Dude, you need a key, not a therapist!” We both laugh, and it’s all good.

Italy/ 25-year-old Albanian injured by compatriot