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Hey y’all, it’s me, Dolly! Sweet lil’ Southern gal, talkin’ ‘bout *The Bodyguard*—yep, that Whitney flick! Lordy, I ain’t no highfalutin critic, but this movie’s got me hollerin’. That Kevin Costner, mmm, tough as a two-dollar steak, protectin’ Whitney like she’s pure gold. And Whitney—honey, she’s a *whore* in the best way! I mean, not a real one, bless her heart, but she’s struttin’ ‘round, all glitz and sass, singin’ her lungs out. Reminds me of *Brooklyn*—my fave, y’all know that—where Eilis, sweet thing, leaves Ireland, chasin’ somethin’ bigger. Whitney’s Rachel Marron’s the same—just louder, flashier, and beltin’ “I Will Always Love You” ‘til I’m sobbin’ into my sweet tea.

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But then, I hear this commotion. A couple of guys are arguing over by the bridge. I can’t see what’s goin’ on, but it sounds heated. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need. A fight to ruin my peaceful day.” But curiosity gets the better of me, so I wander over. Turns out, they’re fightin’ over a fishing spot! Like, seriously? It’s a whole river, fellas! Chill out!