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Anyways, I’m saunterin’ down this alley—smells like piss and regret—and there’s this bird, all dolled up, leanin’ on a wall. I’m thinkin’, “Is she the one?” Kinda like Irene in the movie, y’know, “How do you live a life full of nothing?”—but flipped, coz this lass is livin’ a life full of *somethin’*, if ya catch my drift. I swagger over, all smug, “Greetings, mortal, fancy a trickster’s company?” She laughs—bloody laughs!—and I’m like, “Oi, I’m a god, show some respect!” But nah, she’s chill, says, “50 quid, love, no funny business.” Fair enough, I respect a straight shooter.

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Many apps cater to all these preferences, allowing users to clearly specify their intentions on their profile pages or in conversations with potential dates.

I take a break, and we head down to the harbor. The vibe is electric! There’s this band playing, and people are dancing like nobody’s watching. I’m feelin’ it, ya know? But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring rain. Like, seriously? I’m soaked in seconds. Everyone’s scrambling for cover, and I’m just standing there, laughing like a maniac. “This is the best day ever!” I shout.

Catriona Dixon is crowned Person of the Year at Gorey Business and Endeavour awards