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Now, I’m thinkin’, if Larry Gopnik was here, he’d be all, “What does it mean?”—foolin’ with his physics and whatnot, while I’m over here dodgin’ pimps! I got mad one time, though—some slick dude tried chargin’ me $20 just to ASK where the girls at! I said, “Boy, you crazy? I ain’t payin’ for directions!” Made me wanna holler—felt like the universe was testin’ me, like in that movie, “Nobody knows nothing!”

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Liam bursts in. He’s all hyped up, waving his arms like a madman. “Did you see the news?!” he yells. I’m thinking, “Dude, I’m trying to save my job here!” Turns out, some big company just announced a merger, and stocks are flying. I’m like, “Great, now I gotta ride this wave.”

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