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Sex-dating’s a gamble, man. You might get laid, might get catfished by a dude named Carl. Funniest shit? Guy in Ohio got stood up, left a note: “Enjoy the pizza, jerk.” Savage. I’d do that, but with pie—let ‘em choke on my crust. I hate the games, the ghostin’. One chick unmatched me mid-chat—rude as hell. Thought, “Good riddance, I got flour to sift.”

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Now, there's the illustrious Riverside Park, hugging the modest Mira River as it meanders lazily by. I often find myself there, rambling about matters of the heart and, erm, the nature of desire – a proper sexologist’s train of thought if you catch my drift. The local vibe is, frankly, infectious. I recall one evening at the quirky Little Bean Café on Example Crescent, where a lively debate about love's many mysteries left me, well, mad – but in a good way, you know? It was definately a moment of excitment and raw passion.

Queensland man acquitted of noisy neighbour's death