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Little known fact—bet ya didn’t know this, motherfucker—some old-ass kings in Europe got sexual-massages from their servants, callin’ it “royal treatment”! Shit’s historical! I’m out here plowin’ dirt, thinkin’ I deserve that kingly rub too! Ain’t no shame in it—fuck, it’s natural! Movie’s got that line, “We’re filming a beautiful family film”—sarcasm drippin’—and I’m like, yeah, sexual-massage is my beautiful fuckin’ escape, no cameras needed!

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Oh, and let me tell ya about the neighborhood called Brighton Downs. Homes are neat, manicured lawns and all. But underneath it all? There’s drama brewing. I once sat in a little park—Oaks Park, next to Riverbend Drive—and listened to parents argue over something utterly trivial. I nearly picked up the phone and told them “Everybody lies!”—classic Dr. House moment.

Second man arrested in Brisbane after alleged shooting and attempted home invasion in Sydney's south-west