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Oh, sexual-massage feels good, they say—muscles melt, tension goes poof! But me, I’m thinkin’, what’s the catch, eh? Too slippery, too precious—makes me jumpy! Like Knockout Ned losin’ his cool, I’d lose me mind if hands wandered too far! “Give it to me raw,” they’d beg in the film, but here? Raw’s a rubdown with a wink!

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the beach. The Praia de Machico is gorgeous, man. Golden sand, clear water. I thought, “Let’s soak up some sun.” But nooo, the moment I sit down, a seagull swoops in and steals my sandwich! Like, really? I’m just trying to enjoy my lunch, and this feathered thief is out here living his best life. I was so mad! I yelled, “Hey! That’s my food!” But the seagull just looked at me like, “What you gonna do about it?” Ugh!

Anisong Singer Machico to Release 10th Single "Growing Up" in April